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Meeting Morning Musume

So, I just got back to Houston from Los Angeles and I’m still processing the epic-ness of what I recently experienced. The original title for this post was going to be “OMGWTF I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M ACTUALLY TALKING TO KAMEI KILL ME NOW SO THAT I CAN DIE HAPPY!” but, for the sake of brevity I changed it to what you see above. For those of you who don’t know, I recently went to LA to see one of my favorite groups モーニング娘。performing for the first time in America at Anime Expo 2009. To say that it was amazing would be a ridiculous understatement so I will save you the pain of hearing yet another person’s account of how wonderful it was.

…

Okay, no I won’t. But, where to begin?! As most of you that care have no doubt already heard the concert and panel discussions I’ll go ahead and skip those (I missed the panels anyway, lol). So no set list breakdown or descriptions of dance moves and costumes from the show here (although a jumping bloomers shot on big screen in RL from Sayu is totally worth mentioning considering a certain poll I recently took part in). Instead I’m going to focus on the real reason I was so excited to go in the first place: the autograph session. Now, I’m not the kind of person that gives two shits about an autograph and as much as I cherish these signatures I’ll probably eventually lose them anyway so I don’t mind saying that they aren’t incredibly important to me (I’m actually considering mailing them to a certain vodka-breathed web companion who would probably cherish them a lot more and certainly deserves them). No, moreso than the little squiggly lines that they each scribbled on my merch (which are hellishly cute, I admit) I was interested in the visceral human experience I was about to gain. I was interested in connecting personally with each of the members in a meaningful way. And so, the following is my account of the signing session presented member by member. I need to commit this to print while it’s still fresh in my memory…

まずは、田中れいな：

First up was Reina. I handed over my P9 booklet opened to her page. She gave an emphatic “HIIII!” to which I responded with a very boring “Tanaka-san, konnichiha!” Her sig is one of my faves and she was totally genki the whole time. She even gave an attitude filled 「あり がとう」 (Thanks!) complete with yankee accent at the end. It was awesome.

I remember thinking after everything was said and done that I may actually be able to relate most easily to Reina in RL. She seems pretty … approachable.

Unfortunately, right when I was about to explain to her how much coverage her facial configuration gets amongst my friends I was moved along to the next member…






ィンィン：

What can I say? Lately, LinLin has been crawling slowly but surely up my faves list and this concert just kinda sealed the deal for me. She’s just so fucking 元気 (genki, cheerful), you know? That coupled with the fact that she and JunJun, the two Chinese members, are the best English speakers of all of them just rockets her on up.

I told her, “英語は 上手ですね、ィンィン！” (Your English is great, huh LinLin!) to which she replied, “あ！そ うですか？日本語上手ですよ！” (Really? Well, your Japanese is great!).

She complimented my Japanese! What a gal! So kind of her to lie!








次は、高橋愛：

Tettekete was one of the least talkative of the group for me. But, she balanced this with otherworldly beauty. I mean, this girl is totally fucking gorgeous. Seriously.

It was at this point that I first thought to myself, “Man, is this really happening?!” Then the real world pushed me along to the next member, which was…










新垣 里沙：

Gaki-san, in the flesh. What can be said about Gaki-san that isn’t already known. A real pro-level talent. As I handed her my booklet I said, 「ちょっと緊張してますよ。」 (I’m kinda nervous)
Her reply was 「え？大丈夫ですよ、本当に！」 (Really? Don’t be nervous, everything’s cool, really!).
Then she gave me a big, cheeky smile and wrote up the baddest ass signature of the bunch.

But, on the subject of Gaki-san (and forgive me for saying) she was way too skinny! I mean, she has grown into such a beautiful young woman. I know that idols and models are always under extreme pressure to be thin, but she’s like TOO thin in my opinion. It’s like Yossie mode or something.

Dear Gaki-san, have some katsu-don. It’s good for you!


光井 愛佳：

Nothing much to report on Aika. She just signed and smiled fairly hurriedly. Meh














久住 小春：

If memory serves correctly (which it may not, admittedly) Koha was next. Meeting Koha was everything I would have expected to experience meeting a living, breathing cartoon. Her face is permanently fixed in an intensely cute smiling configuration. I bet when she farts the word 「ブ～」 pops out of her ass. I was half expecting wacky music to begin playing when she started signing.

I gave her an excited 「こはちゃん、こんいちぱ！」 (Koha-chan, konnichiPA!) to which she replied 「は～い！」.
It wasn’t much of a conversation, but it was everything I expected from her.

After the signature, she gave the obligatory 「ありがとうございます」 but it was a much more cartoonish rendition.




道重 さゆみ:

Sayu was a trip! I actually managed to confuse the hell out of her, LOL! It really wasn’t very difficult. It started quite normally: my little booklet was passed along to her and I gave her the usual, 「道重さん、こんにちは！」
She returned my greeting and began signing my booklet. Up until now, all the girls used black ink, but Sayu was using a silver marker, so I said, 「あ！シルバですか？」 (Oh, silver is it?).
She looked up at me bewildered and said, 「え？」.
I got a little nervous and said, 「そのペンは銀色ですね。」 (Your pen there is silver, ne?)
She looked over at one of the assistants and said 「このペンはだめですか？」 (He doesn’t like this pen?).
The assistant then looked at me and asked “Did you want a different color?” and I was like 「いやいやいや！ぜったい大丈夫ですよ！」 (NO NO NO, not at all!)
Lol, I felt like such a tool and explained in English to the assistant that I was just commenting on the nice silver pen she chose. Luckily, Sayu laughed about it and just said, 「すみません！ありがとうございます。」 (Sorry! Thanks!)

Lol. What an epic fail on my part, eh?

Did I mention that she was fucking hot as hell? Way hotter in person than anything I’ve ever seen in print or on the web. I remember thinking to myself, “I wonder if your panties are also silver Sayu-chan. I bet they are aren’t they you little minx.” I’m sorry, but I just can’t help these thoughts when it comes to Sayu.

ジュンジュン：

Last in line was sex kitten, I mean, JunJun. I told her that her English was also great (in Japanese of course) and she answered me with a “thank you” in English.

I almost asked her if I could smell her, but common sense prevailed.












And there you have it! Wait, what? I’ve forgotten someone? Oh no, I’ve merely saved the best for last…

亀井 絵里：

I should explain a couple things about Erien to preface this next experience so that you understand how epic it was for me. First of all, Eri is my favorite member of the current line-up. She pretty much has been since she came on board. As soon as I learned that she enjoyed being in small spaces I was hooked. Eri is everything I want in an idol and in a girl in general; she’s hilarious, insane, shy at first, has weird interests, is adorably cute, and sexy as hell. And she looks awesome with a boyish look. She’s a lot like me, really. So, meeting her was pretty much the big moment for me.

Anyway, for those of you who weren’t there, the line for the signing was one really long line and then people were let in one at a time to the tent to wait in a smaller line of five or so people leading up to the tables. So, I walk in and immediately I see Kamei. And here’s where being an incredibly tall freak really pays off. She notices me and totally looks right at me smiling and mouths the word “hi” at me.

<blinks>

Wait a second. Did Kamei Eri … THE Kamei Eri … just … flirt with me? Now, I realize that I may be getting a little ahead of myself, but still, I’ve had girls do that to me before and ended up in bed with them. Sure it’s usually at strip clubs and yes I end up paying them, but still. I’d say that’s a little bit epic that I got it from Kamei. Hey, fuck you guys. This is my experience and you can’t take it away from me.

So anyway, I finally get to Kamei at the table and by then I’m freaking out. She smiles up at me and takes my little booklet to sign…

Me: 今どき どきするよ。 (My heart is throbbing right now)
亀井： <looks up all doe-eyed the way only Eri can and in her cutest voice says:> なんで どきどきするの？ (Why would your heart be throbbing?)
Me: だーだー大好きだから。亀井さんは一番好きなメンバです。 (be- be- because I love you (lit.). You’re my favorite member.)
亀井： <says nothing; just smiles up at me wryly and giggles as she signs my stupid little CD booklet>

I mean, … wow. God damn if this short exchange wasn’t the greatest fucking moment of my life. It doesn’t even sound all that amazing when I read it, but it SO was. I mean, the way she looked up at me like, “Yeah, I bet. You are putty in my hands, gaijin.” It was so fucking awesome I can’t believe it. I mean, I got teased by Eri! HA!

<sigh>

Kamei, you will always be in my dreams now god damn it. I hope you’re happy. I know I am.

So anyway, there’s my story. I guess it kinda reads like a smut mag at times, but hey. I’ll follow up later with a post on impressions of AX and anime culture in general along with some other interesting things I experienced in L.A. I just needed to get this posted ASAP. Hope people enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed experiencing it. Actually, there’s no fucking way that’s possible. lol. But still, hope it’s a fun read. Catch you next time!

Some rather amazing and important news…

One post per month, eh? So much for “taking a much more active approach to this blog moving forward.” But all my failures aside, I do have some rather important bits of news to report.

First and foremost, my Finnish compatriot Henkka has returned to the proverbial stage and has asked me to contribute to the next incarnation of his “H!P Opinions of a Metalhead” blog. Talk about a real honor! I’m pleased to accept and can’t wait to see what’s in store. For more on this (and Henkka in general): http://www.intlwota.com/metalhead/?p=1563

Just a little over a month until I see Momusu live in concert in L.A. at AnimeExpo. To say that I can’t wait is an understatement of epic proportions. I think this time I’m most excited about seeing Erien in effect. My last anime convention appearance in Seattle came off pretty creepy so I’m looking to top that this time around. I will have a wingman (or wing-woman, as it were) this time so hopefully things will be less … awkward. I wonder if I should dress up as Tsunku… Nah, he’ll be there.

The band (www.csmdp.com) recently decided to perform some covers. Each member is to decide on the song they’d like to cover and no matter what it is we HAVE to perform it as a band. My choice? MINIMONI JANKENPYON!!! If you’ve ever heard my band, you might think this is crazy at first. But, listen to the song. Now imagine it re-arranged for the instrumentation of CSMDP and performed with gusto! IT WILL TOTALLY WORK!!!

So to recap:

- All hail the return of the all mighty Henkka!
- One month left til Momusu magnificence!
- Come See My Dead Moni!

See ya next time (hopefully not another month)

A quick update…

Just wanted to pop in and let everyone know that I’ve got some posts in the revision stage pending publishing (somehow I always feel like I’m talking to myself when I do this). So, in due time there will be some actual content.

A quick aside: I’ve been rediscovering Ishikawa Rika lately (in direct response to Hangry and Angry research). As I may meet her in a week, I’ve been going through classic footage and interviews to re-familiarize myself with her. She was always very low on my faves list and I was never sure why. I’m starting to realize why now and I’m officially changing my position. I’ll probably end up writing a self-evaluation and posting it. lol. So thanks to Koiphish for opening my eyes to Rika-chan again!

So, that said, only a little over a week until go time for Sakura-con in Seattle and Hangry and Angry in concert. すごい！

See ya in the next update…

The best year ever…

皆さん、こんにちは！

Just thought I’d give a quick post while I wait for Fallout 3 to finish installing. (^_^)

Some pretty amazing things are happening in my immediate, foreseeable future. For one, Fallout 3 is installing, but more importantly, two very special dates are right around the corner…

Date 1: April 10-13 – Hangry & Angry at SakuraCon

What’s that? You mean to tell me that Yossie and Charmy are coming to the US of A (Seattle, WA to be exact) to perform at a friggin’ anime convention? And I have tickets? And they’re signing autographs? So, let me get this straight. Not only will I be able to see one of my all time favorite members (Yossie) perform live in concert on my home turf, but I’ll also get to meet her, speak to her, and possibly shake her hand? It’s almost too good to be true! As you may or may not know, Yossie and I were meant for each other. She’s gets the “member I could most easily see myself having a meaningful relationship with” award. What I’m saying is that I may be arrested at this event.

Date 2: July 2-5 – Morning Musume at Anime Expo

Um … what? Are you fucking kidding me? Morning Musume will be in Los Angeles for a performance? And, again, I’m going? Did fate just decide to go through my Christmas list and start making shit happen for me or what? I honestly don’t understand this. How could this year be this good? Obviously I don’t need to rattle off all the ways that this news totally fucking owns. Up close and personal with the girls. Close enough to throw a shoe at Koharu’s head (as much as I have and will continue to give Koharu a hard time for being a total tardbot, I must admit she always ends up in my “naughty dreams”). I think I’m most excited to see JunJun and Sayu at this show.

So, as awesome as this news is, I still can’t help but feel a little sad about it. I mean, this is obviously the start of a potentially tragic decline for the girls, isn’t it? I mean, here they are playing at a friggin’ American anime convention; picking up scraps from the gaijin otaku demographic. Surely, that’s shameful, right? Time can only tell the future of Momusu, but I have a sneaking suspicion that we are in the “phase out” stage. I get the feeling they are “reaching” at this point. I almost feel bad for taking part in their decline.

(clicks Submit button to finalize ticket purchase)

How (or more importantly, why) to be overly obsessed with H!P (pt. 1)…

We’ve all heard the comments.

“So you like little Asian girls now. I see.”

“What are you, gay?”

“Dude, you’re a @#$%ing pedophile!”

I always get some version of one of the above when I attempt to discuss H!P with non-wotas. It’s either confusion, a question of my sexuality, or abject disapproval and accusation of pedophilia. Pretty tough critique, really, since I’m neither gay nor predisposed to be sexually aroused by children. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised though considering the cultural identity of my country. But, if not the above then what? What is it that I like about these little girls so much that allows me to open my mind enough to appreciate music that I’ve shunned until now or drives me to scour the internet for footage of television appearances and interviews or <gasps> Saturday morning children’s programs.

Well, for me, the answer turns out to be much more complex than I imagined. It tells a long and intricate tale informed by a concept called “moe“, my own personal history and childhood, my interest in the linguistic character of the Japanese language, and more. I guess we should go back to my first encounter with H!P and a guy named Mat Swadling.

When I first started studying Japanese language and culture I was obviously most interested in things like Samurai and Ninja and Yakuza (still am, really). These are the introductory images of Japan that every westerner who is interested in the land of the rising sun finds so fascinating and intriguing (and indeed they are!). I would do all the typical things you would expect a person studying Japan to do: I watched a lot of Akira Kurosawa, read the Book of Five Rings, and even took Ninjutsu for a spell (shout out to sensei Corey Froelich). I ate sushi every week and went to the Japanese market in my area all the while reading through Japanese for Busy People and saving up for a trip to Tokyo.

At some point I began taking my linguistic pursuit more seriously and discovered that it would be beneficial to me to study children’s material and thus I found NHK and the myriad of programs available to help Japanese kids strengthen their English language skills. I realized how helpful it was to hear Japanese explanation of English and so I embarked on a little search for videos or audio of Japanese English teaching programs. My search found something called “Ayaka’s Surprise English Lessons” （「あやかの突撃英会話」） translated by a guy named Mat Swadling. Here’s the first one I saw:

Hahahaha! Oh, that Aibon! 僕も可愛いさに負けたね。

Needless to say, this video fascinated me. Who are these people? Who is this super hottie Ayaka and her zany, uber-genki little friend? Why is she being quizzed? Why is this little girl so crazy? Thus, my friends, began a long and continuing relationship with the works of Mat Swadling and Morning Musume (particularly Aibon).

I went on to watch every episode of “Ayaka’s Surprise English Lessons,” starting with the Aibon episodes. Then it was a quick jump to discovering Yaguchi-san and thus Mini-Moni and Tsuji-chan. I started to understand what I was really dealing with here and did more study on Morning Musume and ultimately Hello!Project. I started collecting data on all the different members and eventually found Hello!Morning and Utaban, the shows that would provide the most information on all the characters’ histories and specific traits. I learned that Iida “Johnson” Kaori could channel aliens and that Abe Natsumi often spoke to her hand and referred to it as “okaa-san.” I also learned that Nakazawa Yuko is really an oni. Then I found some fantastic supplementary shows like Mecha-Ike and HeyHeyHey, which of course spiraled me into the world of owarai combi. It’s a snowball effect, you see?

While this gives an indication of how I got into H!P, it still doesn’t quite explain the why part. Why was I so fascinated by Aibon’s hysterical daffiness or Yaguchi’s small but strong gutsy attitude? Well, this will be the content of part 2 of this post.

An introduction to the syndicate …

A quick confession…

Part of the reason I started this blog was to have an outlet for a particular passion of mine. You see, I’m one of many fully grown, non-Japanese men who has a powerful (and potentially unhealthy) fascination with a particular subset of the human species known as the “Japanese Idol” (or アイドル). In my case there is a specific focus on members of the uber-syndicate Hello!Project. For those of you not in the know, Hello!Project, (or H!P as it will be referred to throughout this blog) is the Yakuza, or mafia, of Japanese idols (in fact, at least ONE member is reported to have ties to the Yakuza. wink wink).

H!P operates like any other syndicate; idols are recruited at a very young age, trained by their superiors, or senpai (先輩), to develop their skills, and then given larger responsibilities within the hierarchy as they mature. These responsibilities include training new junior recruits, branching off into other fields of entertainment, and managing solo careers as established figureheads of the organization.

The whole thing is headed by a single “boss” called Tsunku (つんく♂); a musician/composer and ex-idol himself whose character is that of a whimsical child-adult reminiscent of Willy Wonka only with a tan and sculpted hair. He is responsible for searching for and recruiting potential additions to the syndicate and writing/composing the music performed by the members. Incredibly prolific, he is the “godfather” of the organization.

The young ladies populating the bulk of the syndicate either function as solitary operatives or are arranged in a variety of groups (typically referred to among my demographic as “units”). Members often span multiple groups as well as maintain solo careers. Among the various groups, the flagship, legacy crew would be Morning Musume (モーニング娘。). Girls are recruited in to Momusu and hone their talents before “graduating” out of the group to become solo artists, actresses, etc. Leaders get appointed and the roster is ever changing as new and different “generations” are introduced with the passage of time. It is within Momusu that the hierarchical structure of the syndicate is most evident. Older generation members act as senpai training, scolding and inspiring the younger generations.

Aside from this mainstay group there are numerous sub groups, shuffle units, trios, duos, and soloists within H!P operating in tandem and/or entirely individually. Notable examples include Berryz Koubou (Berryz工房), C-ute, Yuki Maeda (前田 有紀), and Aya Matsuura (松浦 亜弥,).

What this provides to the typical fan is a veritable smorgasbord of idols to select from each with a unique キャラ (character) and specific data. The statistics of past alumni and legendary figures throughout the history of the syndicate provide even more data for fans to obsess over. Fans develop favorites, monitor the maturation of recruits and contemplate “dream units” from among their favorite past and present members. It becomes an enriching pseudo-interactive experience that takes a long time to get old as there are so many different characters to consider; one always has new data to ponder since new material and characters are provided regularly. It’s really a pretty remarkable scheme. It’s kind of like Pokemon. Only with cute girls instead of ..whatever the fuck pokemons are.

So that’s my bare-bones crash course in Hello!Project. A primer, really, intended for those who have no idea what H!P is but know someone who has a ミニモニ (MiniMoni) sticker on their guitar case <raises hand>. The sources of the information in this post are many and will be cited to the best of my ability either by inclusion in my blogroll or by hyper-linking to specific locations on the interwebs within the post itself. Also, this work is subject to review from my peers (if I have any). I tried to keep this as simple and subjective as possible. It is meant to kindle the fire to learn more, not to be a definitive treatise on the subject. But, if I’ve made any glaring mistakes please let me know via comment.

Thanks for reading. Next post, I will discuss just why, exactly, any of this should interest you…