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Friday hawtness: Reon Kadena

Methinks this feature will be focusing on Japanese gravure models. So I’m gonna just go through all my all-time faves (which pretty much reads like a gravure all-stars poll). First up is the beautiful and charming Reon Kadena. Remember her? The reason I picked her to be number one in this weekly feature is simple really: she’s one of the coolest-looking Japanese women I’ve ever seen. She is nothing short of stunning. She has everything that a person like myself could possibly want in a super hawt bikini model gravure idol sex object. See for yourself…

The beautiful and seductive Kadena with the cute little gap between one of her teeth, a sweet smile and the most exquisite breasts imaginable (I can only think of one idol with better and you know who that is; in fact, she’ll probably be the next idol I cover for this feature, lol) is one of those idols that everyone knows and loves. To not find an idol like Reon attractive is like admitting to the world that you prefer not to breathe oxygen. It just doesn’t make sense.

Born on Feb. 19, 1986 in Osaka, Japan, she started out as one of the younger gravure idols on the scene. She’s appeared on numerous late night comedy skits and TV commercials and her self-promotional DVD and gravure idol book sales were extremely well-received.

Data: She’s a petite one, Reon Kadena, weighing in at a mere 100 lbs at 5′5″ tall, but still she remains extremely voluptuous with her 35C-23-34 measurements. Her genki personality and cuteness paired with her fucking super hawt sexy body (one of my fave belly buttons, hands down) has made her one of the most sought after models on all of the interwebs. I’m sure you can appreciate why.

So, there you have it. One of my favorite people to look at. An incredibly charming girl with an incredibly stunning body. One down, tons to go.

In closing I give you this video of Reon Kadena listening to her iPod. See you next Friday!

Perfume songs and why I love them

I think I’m at the point now where I can write about my favorite Perfume songs. I’ve put in the time and effort to grow familiar enough with these girls and their music that I can honestly and sincerely write some good ole fashioned commentary. So, without further adieu, here’s some thoughts on some of my fave Perfume songs.

Before, we get started though, a word about Perfume the band.

Perfume is awesome to me. Maybe even more so than H!P in a lot of ways. I don’t know what that says about me and my recent association with H!P, but I think it’s true. I like Perfume’s music more than I like H!P music these days. Which kinda comes down to the fact that I prefer Nakata over Tsunku musically. Which is a hard thing to say. Certainly there are aspects of Tsunku’s writing that I adore above and beyond the works of Perfume (like guitar solos and orchestral arrangements). That is unquestionable. But, there is one key ingredient that Nakata uses liberally that I just don’t get from Tsunku and that’s attention to vocal harmony among multiple voices. Now, that may be a factor of the focus of the different groups and it may be a paltry issue to most, but it’s a big deal to me. I like vocal harmony and I like the way Perfume’s harmonies are written. So there. I said it.

Anyway, here’s some songs I really like by Perfume and some reasons why:

Electro World

This was the first song I repeatedly came back to by Perfume. Something about that rocking hook and the killer introduction just hooked me. Regarding the intro, I think the reason it grabbed me is because it so wonderfully exploits everything I love about the Japanese language: it’s cute, fun to say, and rich in syllables. Furthermore, there’s this wonderfully plasticine cleanliness about the sound of the guitar part behind it (of course I’m talking about the single version, not the album version with the synth pad during the intro). Lots of high end and treble in the mix giving it a very, well, electric quality. This Nakata guy never ceases to amaze me; has been since the early Capsule days. Great song writer, sensible in terms of song structure in general and an INCREDIBLE sense of vocal harmony. I mean Perfume always has exactly the vocal harmonies I would have chosen had I written the songs. I love that. And of course, Auto Tune awesomeness abound!

The bridge is pretty much what this band is all about for me. Amazing little hook that has this kind of comfortable melancholy about it. It’s not real super genki happy, but it’s like a feeling of new astonishment; like the first time you saw a dragonfly up close, or the first time you fell in love … or the first time you went to an Electro World.

And then the lyrics. Perfume wins when it comes to lyrics. Just take the lyrics from the above passage for example:

見えるものの全てが 触れるものも全てが
リアリティーがないけど
僕はたしかにいるよ

“everything I can see, everything I can touch, too
has no reality
but surely I exist”

I mean that’s just cool. I don’t know, it just really gets to me, you know. I even get kinda teary-eyed, it’s so precious. It’s like a girl’s dream, you know? At least it encompasses my assumption of what it must be like to see the world from the perspective of an imaginative little girl. But, kinda  surreal at the same time. Totally evokes the 萌え response in addition to my propensity for psychedelic imagery. I like it.

Dream Fighter

This song is a fucking champion’s song. The whole thing screams win. I hear a lot of people say they don’t care for it and I just don’t understand why. It’s up in the top 5 for me. I consistently return to it. And I know why. It’s because Kashiyuka’s verse just fucking melts me every time.

このままでいれたらって思う瞬間まで
遠い 遠い 遥かこの先まで

Ah god damn it it’s just so fucking CUTE! And the dance choreography during this part just makes it even worse. And not to mention that she has the baddest ass haircut imaginable. Oh man, Kashi. You are so win.

But, aside from this idolatry and girlie fascination with cuteness, the chorus is fucking victorious. Learn all those lyrics and sing along and you’ll know what I mean. What a fun song to rock!!! And furthermore, the chorus is TWICE as long as I expected it would the first time I heard it. So twice the win. And check out the harmonies on the chorus. I mean really this is the shit, dude! Man, I love this song.

Computer City

This song is very similar to Electro World in both theme and in terms of my emotional response. It shares the same celebration of Japanese multi-syllabic cuteness in the verse and also deals with the discovery of something as yet unexperienced and the subject’s response to it. Another dream from the mind of a cute little robotic girl discovering things about her environment for the first time. I love Perfume lyrics. I love Perfume music.

Secret Message

Okay, this is just plain fun 萌え-mode idolatry in its base form. But, what separates this song from any of the multitude of other songs from this era of Perfume (and they are ALL cute as fuck) is the choice of notes in the chorus. The words “secret” and “message” are sung at a major 9 interval. Which creates this neat little suspension and is totally awesome.

Oh and then there’s the part where they count down and say “3, 2, 1 – go” which is just adorable.

Butterfly

The first thing that comes to mind when I hear this song (ironically enough) is Mothra. Remember the two little ladies who sang for Mothra? Somehow this song evokes that imagery for me.

Aside from this fun bit of anecdotal nostalgia, the song is musically amazing. It conforms to the usual progressive, melodic house groove that Nakata and Perfume are known for, but implements an interesting and exotic melodic and harmonic motif (this is what evokes the Mothra imagery mentioned above). The vocal harmonies are as amazing as I’ve come to expect from this group; Acchan and Nocchi holding the root and fifth (and sometimes third) while Kashi handles the major 9 and occasional 6. It’s really a sublime little harmonic system. Beautiful, dreamy, exotic and harmonically dense: my kind of song.

Another thing worth noting is a cool little trick that also appears in Secret Secret, and that’s the dropping of the drum pattern during the second verse. It’s replaced in this case by a very ethereal trance-like wash pad that kind of gives it a real rave-y feel. In Secret Secret it’s very similar; drop out the beat and add in some low dreamy synth for effect. I like this trick and it works really well to break up any monotony that *may* be developing. Good call Nakata.

Night Flight

Make a fucking Night Flight, motherfucker!!! This song is epic mode. I was SOOO happy to hear it the first time I did. I was wondering what the next single would sound like and this is what was delivered. Several reasons for epicality, here are the main points:

1. A nod to the old school – This is so totally 80s it’s not funny. It brilliantly pays homage to the greats of electronic pop music like Yellow Magic Orchestra and Human League or even the Eurythmics.
2. Super fucking GENKI! – This song jams like no other. I dare you not to at least nod your head or hum along.
3. Auto Tune Awesomeness abound – once again the ultimate robo software makes this song electronically superior

So yeah, make a fucking Night Flight, motherfucker!

Polyrhythm

Oh boy. This is the one that kinda put them on the map and for very good reason. This song is really amazing. I mean, it really is. So amazing that Marty fucking Friedman covered it. That’s right. The guitarist for Megadeth covered Polyrhythm. <bangs head>

So there’s really one part of this song that makes it what it is, but before we get to that I just want to mention that the melody of this song is really great. It’s pretty, it’s fun, and it’s safe. It’s just familiar enough to be eminently likable. And once again, the lyrics are just cute as a button. “This love is like plastic.” Fuck yeah.

So, “the part” that I mentioned above is, of course, the uber-cool polyrhythmic section in the first chorus…

So, what is a polyrhythm? What’s a poly-loop? Well, let’s consult wiki on the subject…

“Polyrhythm is the simultaneous sounding of two or more independent rhythms.”

Is it just me or could we mean the beating of two independent hearts in polyrhythmic harmony (awww)?

I can only assume that a polyloop would be the two rhythms occurring in succession over and over. Just like what we hear in that awesome part. We have a constant five note pattern repeating in 4/4 time with the word 「ポ・リ・リ・ズ・ム」. This repeats over and over in rhythmic dissonance until it loops enough times to come in line with the main pattern again. So if we stretch the timeline of the passage, we see multiple four beat bars, 16 of them when counting by eighth notes. This makes a total of 64 beats cut into small 4 beat chunks 16 times. Still with me?

Okay, now consider the aforementioned 5 beat 「ポ・リ・リ・ズ・ム」 phrase which repeats 9 times for a total of 45 beats. Add to that 6 repetitions of 「リ・ズ・ム」, a 3 beat phrase creating a total of 18 beats and a grand total of 63. Well, there’s a beat missing so we fill it with the first “ポ” of the next series of 「ポ・リ・ル・ウ・プ」 passages.

This puts us in a unique situation. We now start the loop over beginning at the second beat of the 5 beat passage (リ) meaning that our first passage is a 4 beat occurrence. So, we start at 4 then add 5 repetitions of the full passage for a total of 29 (25 + the first 4 「リ・ル・ウ・プ」). Then we go into our 3 beat sequence again for 5 repetitions giving us a total of 15 + 29 or 44. At this point we just hit single beats 14 times, but these beats are matching the underlying polyrhythm which is counting in spaced tuplets. In this case it seems we’ve got 8 tuplet beats fitting evenly into the space of 6 quarter notes. <-(see note below)  Since the last 14 beats are spaced differently than the other 44 beats of the passage, the math doesn’t exactly add up like we would expect, but it does work due to this spacing. Listen for it. In the first 「ポリリズム」 chorus these tuplets spaced 16th notes are just heard in the synthesizer stabs, then in the second 「ポリルウプ」 chorus the beat begins following it on the bass drum for a killer effect. This passage is why I decided to take an active interest in Perfume.

[Edit - Since the writing of this post I've come to realize that the underlying 'thud' is actually a series of 16th notes repeated every third note; so, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. etc... Hope this makes sense. See the notation post for a visual aid]

So yeah, what an amazing song for various reasons. It is no wonder it is responsible for skyrocketing these girls to the public eye. Thanks Nakata san!!

Edge

Edge is my favorite song by Perfume, hands down. It appeals to me on every level. It goes hard in every way and the choreography may be the coolest I’ve ever seen. Edge is cool because it has a bit of a legacy doesn’t it. I mean, there are three different versions. I don’t really follow the trends among my fellow wota, but I get the feeling that this is like a cult hit among Perfume fans (and for good reason). It’s like the cool song that all the die hards really love. It’s the dark underbelly of Perfume that is meant for the real serious motherfuckers out there.

And it is indeed dark as fuck. It’s aggressive in its approach, musically and the lyrical content almost has a suicidal, nihilistic undertone. The person saying these lyrics is almost obsessively pursuing a perhaps unattainable goal. I get the feeling the person they have their sights set on may not even know they exist (「ああそっかで 話きいてないのね」). And there’s a melancholy preoccupation with death throughout the song. It’s almost like we’re seeing someone going over the “edge” and descending into some unhealthy fixation that leads ultimately to extreme isolation. Man, that’s fucking bad ass. Of course, this is just my interpretation. Take it as you will.

Musically, it’s all about the gritty “edge” to the synth sounds chosen and the fucking vocal harmonies, man. These harmonies (especially during the 「誰だっていつかは死んでしまうでしょ」 part) are so fucking amazing. And of course, AutoTune is the shit!

Let’s talk about the different versions a little.

1. Edge (original) – This is what started it all and it’s still bad ass as is. What’s cool and unique about this version is the ending. It drops out the beat and kind of fades out repeating the “loving you” lyric over and over which supplements and supports my dark interpretation somewhat. I picture the subject doing, well, exactly what is done in the Budokaaaaaaaaaaan performance; just repeating this phrase and rocking back and forth in total isolation. At this point she’s lost it and has gone over the “edge” so to speak, completely. I love that! She’s been driven completely mad by her obssessive infatuation with this unknown person. Mwahahahaha!!!

2. Edge (extended version) – Oh yeah, let’s up the stakes a little, musically. Just when I was thinking, “man Edge is so bad ass, I wish it just lasted forever!”, lo and behold, there is an extended mix. Yesssss! We start with a killer minimalist beat to build anticipation. Then the grooves start dropping in instrument by instrument adding layers to build the excitement. So win. Another cool thing about this version is that we’ve added a lyric-less chorus passage which accentuates the instrumental melody. I was really happy to hear this happen since I love the chorus. Also, in this version the ending no longer drops out the beat which makes for a really cool groove in the end based on the cool “ki ni naru” and “oooh” loop. I really like it. It’s something I would love to hear played at a club at full volume.

3. Edge (Triangle mix) – Hey, what can I say. It’s like there was an “Edge” knob and Nakata just cranked that motherfucker up. More gain, more distortion, more melody, more EDGE! It’s like the Edge was sharpened and serrated for maximum carnage. So fucking epic. This is rave material here. I don’t know what else I can say about it other than listen to it. It’s so fucking amazing.

Edge = most epic Perfume song. Period.

So, there’s my thoughts on some of my fave Perfume songs. Some other honorable mentions are Game, Plastic Smile, and of course Chocolate Disco. But, I’ll have to get to them later. I’m sure I’ll just revise this post to include them.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Until next time…

Friday hawtness

So here’s an idea. Every Friday I’ll post some pics or vids of some Japanese hawtness. Yeah, I’m like that.

So, to start us off, here’s a vid of three hyper-hawt gravure idols taking pictures and chatting it up. They are Rina Akiyama (秋山 莉奈), Natsuko Tatsumi (辰巳奈都子), and Yuuri Morishita (森下悠里) in case you were wondering. I think my fave of the three is Yuuri-chan.

So, I’ll try to post new hotties each Friday and maybe do a short bio on each one in future posts. We’ll see. BTW, thanks to the crew at JapanSugoi for the original post.

Meeting Morning Musume

So, I just got back to Houston from Los Angeles and I’m still processing the epic-ness of what I recently experienced. The original title for this post was going to be “OMGWTF I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M ACTUALLY TALKING TO KAMEI KILL ME NOW SO THAT I CAN DIE HAPPY!” but, for the sake of brevity I changed it to what you see above. For those of you who don’t know, I recently went to LA to see one of my favorite groups モーニング娘。performing for the first time in America at Anime Expo 2009. To say that it was amazing would be a ridiculous understatement so I will save you the pain of hearing yet another person’s account of how wonderful it was.

…

Okay, no I won’t. But, where to begin?! As most of you that care have no doubt already heard the concert and panel discussions I’ll go ahead and skip those (I missed the panels anyway, lol). So no set list breakdown or descriptions of dance moves and costumes from the show here (although a jumping bloomers shot on big screen in RL from Sayu is totally worth mentioning considering a certain poll I recently took part in). Instead I’m going to focus on the real reason I was so excited to go in the first place: the autograph session. Now, I’m not the kind of person that gives two shits about an autograph and as much as I cherish these signatures I’ll probably eventually lose them anyway so I don’t mind saying that they aren’t incredibly important to me (I’m actually considering mailing them to a certain vodka-breathed web companion who would probably cherish them a lot more and certainly deserves them). No, moreso than the little squiggly lines that they each scribbled on my merch (which are hellishly cute, I admit) I was interested in the visceral human experience I was about to gain. I was interested in connecting personally with each of the members in a meaningful way. And so, the following is my account of the signing session presented member by member. I need to commit this to print while it’s still fresh in my memory…

まずは、田中れいな：

First up was Reina. I handed over my P9 booklet opened to her page. She gave an emphatic “HIIII!” to which I responded with a very boring “Tanaka-san, konnichiha!” Her sig is one of my faves and she was totally genki the whole time. She even gave an attitude filled 「あり がとう」 (Thanks!) complete with yankee accent at the end. It was awesome.

I remember thinking after everything was said and done that I may actually be able to relate most easily to Reina in RL. She seems pretty … approachable.

Unfortunately, right when I was about to explain to her how much coverage her facial configuration gets amongst my friends I was moved along to the next member…






ィンィン：

What can I say? Lately, LinLin has been crawling slowly but surely up my faves list and this concert just kinda sealed the deal for me. She’s just so fucking 元気 (genki, cheerful), you know? That coupled with the fact that she and JunJun, the two Chinese members, are the best English speakers of all of them just rockets her on up.

I told her, “英語は 上手ですね、ィンィン！” (Your English is great, huh LinLin!) to which she replied, “あ！そ うですか？日本語上手ですよ！” (Really? Well, your Japanese is great!).

She complimented my Japanese! What a gal! So kind of her to lie!








次は、高橋愛：

Tettekete was one of the least talkative of the group for me. But, she balanced this with otherworldly beauty. I mean, this girl is totally fucking gorgeous. Seriously.

It was at this point that I first thought to myself, “Man, is this really happening?!” Then the real world pushed me along to the next member, which was…










新垣 里沙：

Gaki-san, in the flesh. What can be said about Gaki-san that isn’t already known. A real pro-level talent. As I handed her my booklet I said, 「ちょっと緊張してますよ。」 (I’m kinda nervous)
Her reply was 「え？大丈夫ですよ、本当に！」 (Really? Don’t be nervous, everything’s cool, really!).
Then she gave me a big, cheeky smile and wrote up the baddest ass signature of the bunch.

But, on the subject of Gaki-san (and forgive me for saying) she was way too skinny! I mean, she has grown into such a beautiful young woman. I know that idols and models are always under extreme pressure to be thin, but she’s like TOO thin in my opinion. It’s like Yossie mode or something.

Dear Gaki-san, have some katsu-don. It’s good for you!


光井 愛佳：

Nothing much to report on Aika. She just signed and smiled fairly hurriedly. Meh














久住 小春：

If memory serves correctly (which it may not, admittedly) Koha was next. Meeting Koha was everything I would have expected to experience meeting a living, breathing cartoon. Her face is permanently fixed in an intensely cute smiling configuration. I bet when she farts the word 「ブ～」 pops out of her ass. I was half expecting wacky music to begin playing when she started signing.

I gave her an excited 「こはちゃん、こんいちぱ！」 (Koha-chan, konnichiPA!) to which she replied 「は～い！」.
It wasn’t much of a conversation, but it was everything I expected from her.

After the signature, she gave the obligatory 「ありがとうございます」 but it was a much more cartoonish rendition.




道重 さゆみ:

Sayu was a trip! I actually managed to confuse the hell out of her, LOL! It really wasn’t very difficult. It started quite normally: my little booklet was passed along to her and I gave her the usual, 「道重さん、こんにちは！」
She returned my greeting and began signing my booklet. Up until now, all the girls used black ink, but Sayu was using a silver marker, so I said, 「あ！シルバですか？」 (Oh, silver is it?).
She looked up at me bewildered and said, 「え？」.
I got a little nervous and said, 「そのペンは銀色ですね。」 (Your pen there is silver, ne?)
She looked over at one of the assistants and said 「このペンはだめですか？」 (He doesn’t like this pen?).
The assistant then looked at me and asked “Did you want a different color?” and I was like 「いやいやいや！ぜったい大丈夫ですよ！」 (NO NO NO, not at all!)
Lol, I felt like such a tool and explained in English to the assistant that I was just commenting on the nice silver pen she chose. Luckily, Sayu laughed about it and just said, 「すみません！ありがとうございます。」 (Sorry! Thanks!)

Lol. What an epic fail on my part, eh?

Did I mention that she was fucking hot as hell? Way hotter in person than anything I’ve ever seen in print or on the web. I remember thinking to myself, “I wonder if your panties are also silver Sayu-chan. I bet they are aren’t they you little minx.” I’m sorry, but I just can’t help these thoughts when it comes to Sayu.

ジュンジュン：

Last in line was sex kitten, I mean, JunJun. I told her that her English was also great (in Japanese of course) and she answered me with a “thank you” in English.

I almost asked her if I could smell her, but common sense prevailed.












And there you have it! Wait, what? I’ve forgotten someone? Oh no, I’ve merely saved the best for last…

亀井 絵里：

I should explain a couple things about Erien to preface this next experience so that you understand how epic it was for me. First of all, Eri is my favorite member of the current line-up. She pretty much has been since she came on board. As soon as I learned that she enjoyed being in small spaces I was hooked. Eri is everything I want in an idol and in a girl in general; she’s hilarious, insane, shy at first, has weird interests, is adorably cute, and sexy as hell. And she looks awesome with a boyish look. She’s a lot like me, really. So, meeting her was pretty much the big moment for me.

Anyway, for those of you who weren’t there, the line for the signing was one really long line and then people were let in one at a time to the tent to wait in a smaller line of five or so people leading up to the tables. So, I walk in and immediately I see Kamei. And here’s where being an incredibly tall freak really pays off. She notices me and totally looks right at me smiling and mouths the word “hi” at me.

<blinks>

Wait a second. Did Kamei Eri … THE Kamei Eri … just … flirt with me? Now, I realize that I may be getting a little ahead of myself, but still, I’ve had girls do that to me before and ended up in bed with them. Sure it’s usually at strip clubs and yes I end up paying them, but still. I’d say that’s a little bit epic that I got it from Kamei. Hey, fuck you guys. This is my experience and you can’t take it away from me.

So anyway, I finally get to Kamei at the table and by then I’m freaking out. She smiles up at me and takes my little booklet to sign…

Me: 今どき どきするよ。 (My heart is throbbing right now)
亀井： <looks up all doe-eyed the way only Eri can and in her cutest voice says:> なんで どきどきするの？ (Why would your heart be throbbing?)
Me: だーだー大好きだから。亀井さんは一番好きなメンバです。 (be- be- because I love you (lit.). You’re my favorite member.)
亀井： <says nothing; just smiles up at me wryly and giggles as she signs my stupid little CD booklet>

I mean, … wow. God damn if this short exchange wasn’t the greatest fucking moment of my life. It doesn’t even sound all that amazing when I read it, but it SO was. I mean, the way she looked up at me like, “Yeah, I bet. You are putty in my hands, gaijin.” It was so fucking awesome I can’t believe it. I mean, I got teased by Eri! HA!

<sigh>

Kamei, you will always be in my dreams now god damn it. I hope you’re happy. I know I am.

So anyway, there’s my story. I guess it kinda reads like a smut mag at times, but hey. I’ll follow up later with a post on impressions of AX and anime culture in general along with some other interesting things I experienced in L.A. I just needed to get this posted ASAP. Hope people enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed experiencing it. Actually, there’s no fucking way that’s possible. lol. But still, hope it’s a fun read. Catch you next time!

Yet another bullshit post…

So, here’s one of those posts where I list all the shit I’m doing that prevents me from being able to post to my friggin’ blog and even talk about posts that I’m planning to write but haven’t. Pathetic. It’s not much, but I have to post something since I recently kinda redesigned the site and made these nifty banners you see above. So, anyways…

I’ve been spending most of my time over in #wotachat as of late. I’ve managed to level up to the point that now pengie is stealing my lunch money. I feel so … well, I feel like part of the family, you know?

Got a couple of translating gigs to keep my 日本語 sharp (since currently it is as dull as Ai-chan). I’m working on “test projects” with both Hello!Fansubs and Haro!Rangers. More to come on how these endeavors turn out.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Perfume lately. I always say that Nocchi is my favorite and I insist that’s still true historically up to a point in their career. But, last night I had a dream that featured Kashiyuka. I guess I’ll just bite the bullet and join the ranks of Kashi fanboys. It’s that fucking haircut, man! かわいいさに負けた。

The usual band related crap has also been eating up time. Recently we were selected for a compilation CD to be distributed at the grand opening of a new winery in Houston. We also have a fest or two coming up and we’re still trying to secure a location for the upcoming Halloween bash. Anyone interested can check up on this shit at our website.

So, enough excuses. I’m trying my best to keep up, but I’m just a busy motherfucker lately. Luckily, AX is just around the corner so I’ll have a nice little vacation of unabashed wota-ness soon enough. Looking forward to some JunJun and some Erien, not to mention hANGRY (Yossie looooove)!!! And let’s hope Hello!Party is a reality!!! (shout out to bryan_; がんばってね！)

Anyway, more to come. Planning my first post on KBU for the metalhead’s blog and working on a character profile post of #wotachat all-stars. (^_^)

Some rather amazing and important news…

One post per month, eh? So much for “taking a much more active approach to this blog moving forward.” But all my failures aside, I do have some rather important bits of news to report.

First and foremost, my Finnish compatriot Henkka has returned to the proverbial stage and has asked me to contribute to the next incarnation of his “H!P Opinions of a Metalhead” blog. Talk about a real honor! I’m pleased to accept and can’t wait to see what’s in store. For more on this (and Henkka in general): http://www.intlwota.com/metalhead/?p=1563

Just a little over a month until I see Momusu live in concert in L.A. at AnimeExpo. To say that I can’t wait is an understatement of epic proportions. I think this time I’m most excited about seeing Erien in effect. My last anime convention appearance in Seattle came off pretty creepy so I’m looking to top that this time around. I will have a wingman (or wing-woman, as it were) this time so hopefully things will be less … awkward. I wonder if I should dress up as Tsunku… Nah, he’ll be there.

The band (www.csmdp.com) recently decided to perform some covers. Each member is to decide on the song they’d like to cover and no matter what it is we HAVE to perform it as a band. My choice? MINIMONI JANKENPYON!!! If you’ve ever heard my band, you might think this is crazy at first. But, listen to the song. Now imagine it re-arranged for the instrumentation of CSMDP and performed with gusto! IT WILL TOTALLY WORK!!!

So to recap:

- All hail the return of the all mighty Henkka!
- One month left til Momusu magnificence!
- Come See My Dead Moni!

See ya next time (hopefully not another month)

The best year ever…

皆さん、こんにちは！

Just thought I’d give a quick post while I wait for Fallout 3 to finish installing. (^_^)

Some pretty amazing things are happening in my immediate, foreseeable future. For one, Fallout 3 is installing, but more importantly, two very special dates are right around the corner…

Date 1: April 10-13 – Hangry & Angry at SakuraCon

What’s that? You mean to tell me that Yossie and Charmy are coming to the US of A (Seattle, WA to be exact) to perform at a friggin’ anime convention? And I have tickets? And they’re signing autographs? So, let me get this straight. Not only will I be able to see one of my all time favorite members (Yossie) perform live in concert on my home turf, but I’ll also get to meet her, speak to her, and possibly shake her hand? It’s almost too good to be true! As you may or may not know, Yossie and I were meant for each other. She’s gets the “member I could most easily see myself having a meaningful relationship with” award. What I’m saying is that I may be arrested at this event.

Date 2: July 2-5 – Morning Musume at Anime Expo

Um … what? Are you fucking kidding me? Morning Musume will be in Los Angeles for a performance? And, again, I’m going? Did fate just decide to go through my Christmas list and start making shit happen for me or what? I honestly don’t understand this. How could this year be this good? Obviously I don’t need to rattle off all the ways that this news totally fucking owns. Up close and personal with the girls. Close enough to throw a shoe at Koharu’s head (as much as I have and will continue to give Koharu a hard time for being a total tardbot, I must admit she always ends up in my “naughty dreams”). I think I’m most excited to see JunJun and Sayu at this show.

So, as awesome as this news is, I still can’t help but feel a little sad about it. I mean, this is obviously the start of a potentially tragic decline for the girls, isn’t it? I mean, here they are playing at a friggin’ American anime convention; picking up scraps from the gaijin otaku demographic. Surely, that’s shameful, right? Time can only tell the future of Momusu, but I have a sneaking suspicion that we are in the “phase out” stage. I get the feeling they are “reaching” at this point. I almost feel bad for taking part in their decline.

(clicks Submit button to finalize ticket purchase)

A new beginning…

Just a quick announcement that I’ll be taking a much more active approach to this blog moving forward. My main inspiration in starting this thing in the first place hung up his horned helm and called it a day last week. Yes, Henkka, the mad vodka guzzling wota himself has stepped down from the Giger-inspired throne of brutal metallic idol worship giving me the opportunity to take the reigns of this mighty beast and attempt to ride it into the short-lived (but greatly appreciated) meta-fame and inter-infamy that I so deserve. I’ll do my best to make you proud my Scandinavian friend.

My blog will cover more than just the girls, however. I’ll be dipping into all things related to Japanese idols, culture, language, and comedy. So, here goes nothing…

How (or more importantly, why) to be overly obsessed with H!P (pt. 1)…

We’ve all heard the comments.

“So you like little Asian girls now. I see.”

“What are you, gay?”

“Dude, you’re a @#$%ing pedophile!”

I always get some version of one of the above when I attempt to discuss H!P with non-wotas. It’s either confusion, a question of my sexuality, or abject disapproval and accusation of pedophilia. Pretty tough critique, really, since I’m neither gay nor predisposed to be sexually aroused by children. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised though considering the cultural identity of my country. But, if not the above then what? What is it that I like about these little girls so much that allows me to open my mind enough to appreciate music that I’ve shunned until now or drives me to scour the internet for footage of television appearances and interviews or <gasps> Saturday morning children’s programs.

Well, for me, the answer turns out to be much more complex than I imagined. It tells a long and intricate tale informed by a concept called “moe“, my own personal history and childhood, my interest in the linguistic character of the Japanese language, and more. I guess we should go back to my first encounter with H!P and a guy named Mat Swadling.

When I first started studying Japanese language and culture I was obviously most interested in things like Samurai and Ninja and Yakuza (still am, really). These are the introductory images of Japan that every westerner who is interested in the land of the rising sun finds so fascinating and intriguing (and indeed they are!). I would do all the typical things you would expect a person studying Japan to do: I watched a lot of Akira Kurosawa, read the Book of Five Rings, and even took Ninjutsu for a spell (shout out to sensei Corey Froelich). I ate sushi every week and went to the Japanese market in my area all the while reading through Japanese for Busy People and saving up for a trip to Tokyo.

At some point I began taking my linguistic pursuit more seriously and discovered that it would be beneficial to me to study children’s material and thus I found NHK and the myriad of programs available to help Japanese kids strengthen their English language skills. I realized how helpful it was to hear Japanese explanation of English and so I embarked on a little search for videos or audio of Japanese English teaching programs. My search found something called “Ayaka’s Surprise English Lessons” （「あやかの突撃英会話」） translated by a guy named Mat Swadling. Here’s the first one I saw:

Hahahaha! Oh, that Aibon! 僕も可愛いさに負けたね。

Needless to say, this video fascinated me. Who are these people? Who is this super hottie Ayaka and her zany, uber-genki little friend? Why is she being quizzed? Why is this little girl so crazy? Thus, my friends, began a long and continuing relationship with the works of Mat Swadling and Morning Musume (particularly Aibon).

I went on to watch every episode of “Ayaka’s Surprise English Lessons,” starting with the Aibon episodes. Then it was a quick jump to discovering Yaguchi-san and thus Mini-Moni and Tsuji-chan. I started to understand what I was really dealing with here and did more study on Morning Musume and ultimately Hello!Project. I started collecting data on all the different members and eventually found Hello!Morning and Utaban, the shows that would provide the most information on all the characters’ histories and specific traits. I learned that Iida “Johnson” Kaori could channel aliens and that Abe Natsumi often spoke to her hand and referred to it as “okaa-san.” I also learned that Nakazawa Yuko is really an oni. Then I found some fantastic supplementary shows like Mecha-Ike and HeyHeyHey, which of course spiraled me into the world of owarai combi. It’s a snowball effect, you see?

While this gives an indication of how I got into H!P, it still doesn’t quite explain the why part. Why was I so fascinated by Aibon’s hysterical daffiness or Yaguchi’s small but strong gutsy attitude? Well, this will be the content of part 2 of this post.

An introduction to the syndicate …

A quick confession…

Part of the reason I started this blog was to have an outlet for a particular passion of mine. You see, I’m one of many fully grown, non-Japanese men who has a powerful (and potentially unhealthy) fascination with a particular subset of the human species known as the “Japanese Idol” (or アイドル). In my case there is a specific focus on members of the uber-syndicate Hello!Project. For those of you not in the know, Hello!Project, (or H!P as it will be referred to throughout this blog) is the Yakuza, or mafia, of Japanese idols (in fact, at least ONE member is reported to have ties to the Yakuza. wink wink).

H!P operates like any other syndicate; idols are recruited at a very young age, trained by their superiors, or senpai (先輩), to develop their skills, and then given larger responsibilities within the hierarchy as they mature. These responsibilities include training new junior recruits, branching off into other fields of entertainment, and managing solo careers as established figureheads of the organization.

The whole thing is headed by a single “boss” called Tsunku (つんく♂); a musician/composer and ex-idol himself whose character is that of a whimsical child-adult reminiscent of Willy Wonka only with a tan and sculpted hair. He is responsible for searching for and recruiting potential additions to the syndicate and writing/composing the music performed by the members. Incredibly prolific, he is the “godfather” of the organization.

The young ladies populating the bulk of the syndicate either function as solitary operatives or are arranged in a variety of groups (typically referred to among my demographic as “units”). Members often span multiple groups as well as maintain solo careers. Among the various groups, the flagship, legacy crew would be Morning Musume (モーニング娘。). Girls are recruited in to Momusu and hone their talents before “graduating” out of the group to become solo artists, actresses, etc. Leaders get appointed and the roster is ever changing as new and different “generations” are introduced with the passage of time. It is within Momusu that the hierarchical structure of the syndicate is most evident. Older generation members act as senpai training, scolding and inspiring the younger generations.

Aside from this mainstay group there are numerous sub groups, shuffle units, trios, duos, and soloists within H!P operating in tandem and/or entirely individually. Notable examples include Berryz Koubou (Berryz工房), C-ute, Yuki Maeda (前田 有紀), and Aya Matsuura (松浦 亜弥,).

What this provides to the typical fan is a veritable smorgasbord of idols to select from each with a unique キャラ (character) and specific data. The statistics of past alumni and legendary figures throughout the history of the syndicate provide even more data for fans to obsess over. Fans develop favorites, monitor the maturation of recruits and contemplate “dream units” from among their favorite past and present members. It becomes an enriching pseudo-interactive experience that takes a long time to get old as there are so many different characters to consider; one always has new data to ponder since new material and characters are provided regularly. It’s really a pretty remarkable scheme. It’s kind of like Pokemon. Only with cute girls instead of ..whatever the fuck pokemons are.

So that’s my bare-bones crash course in Hello!Project. A primer, really, intended for those who have no idea what H!P is but know someone who has a ミニモニ (MiniMoni) sticker on their guitar case <raises hand>. The sources of the information in this post are many and will be cited to the best of my ability either by inclusion in my blogroll or by hyper-linking to specific locations on the interwebs within the post itself. Also, this work is subject to review from my peers (if I have any). I tried to keep this as simple and subjective as possible. It is meant to kindle the fire to learn more, not to be a definitive treatise on the subject. But, if I’ve made any glaring mistakes please let me know via comment.

Thanks for reading. Next post, I will discuss just why, exactly, any of this should interest you…